#15 – City Of God

Augustine said he heard a childlike voice he heard telling him to “take up and read” which he took as a divine command to open the Bible and read the first thing he saw. * He opened the bible at a random page and read from Paul’s Epistle to the Romans chapter 13, verses 13 and 14: * Let’s behave decently, as people who live in the light of day. No wild parties, drunkenness, sexual immorality, promiscuity, quarreling, or jealousy! * And Augustine though “oh fuuuuuuck.” * Or NOT fuck, to be more accurate. * Now – if Augustine had taken the time to read the previous two verses, he might have waited before he converted. * Because they read: * And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. * Because Paul believed the end of the world was going to happen ANY FUCKING MINUTE. * And not like we think of it. * I mean, if you thought the world was going to end tomorrow, you’d be fucking your brains out, getting shit faced, punching people you don’t like in the face, having sex with animals – hey you have to try everything before you die! * But Paul thought JAYSUS was coming and if you were in the middle of fucking or you were drunk when he came, you might miss the Jesus Train! * So sure, it made sense for Paul to say that. * But Augustine is living 300 years later! * Jesus STILL hadn’t come! * Paul didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. * Anyway, Augustine gets baptised in 387. * As does his son from the old hag, Adeodatus. * The following year, 388, he completed his apology On the Holiness of the Catholic Church. * So let me get this straight. * In two years he goes from thinking Christianity is a bunch of Jack Shit to writing an entire book justifying it? * Fuck off. * In 388 he and his son both go back to Africa. * His mother dies and he seems to inherit a fortune, because he and his son live like kings. * And he definitely does NOT hook up with the old hag, not even for a random booty call. * YEAH RIIIIGHT. * You know he gets his freak on. * GET YOUR FREAK ON – MISSY * But then his son dies – from getting his freak on too much, I heard. * And Augustine gives all his money away, except the family home which he turns into a monastery for himself and some friends. * The Catholics in North Africa are still battling agains the Donatists (who believe people who gave up the holy books during the persecutions shouldn’t be allowed back into the fold) and the Manichaens. * So they need a smart, well educated guy in the region to be the point man. * So in 391 Augustine was ordained a priest in Hippo Regius (now Annaba), in Algeria. * Which is a backwater. * But he spends the rest of his life there, nearly 40 years. * He would go on to write three of the most important books in Christianity history: Confessions, the City Of God Against The Pagans, and “De Trinitate” (“On the Trinity”). * the cornerstone of the western Christian tradition * Confessions – Basically it’s Augustine telling God th...