EA - If you find EA conferences emotionally difficult, you're not alone by Amber Dawn

Link to original articleWelcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: If you find EA conferences emotionally difficult, you're not alone, published by Amber Dawn on May 22, 2023 on The Effective Altruism Forum.I went to EAG London this weekend. I had some interesting chats, wrote some cryptic squiggles in my notebook (“Clockify” “the Easterlin paradox”, “functionalist eudaimonic theories”), and gave and received some hopefully-useful advice. Overall, the conference was fun and worthwhile for me. But at times, I also found the conference emotionally difficult.I think this is pretty common. After last year’s EAG, Alastair Fraser-Urquhart wrote about how he burnt out at the conference and had to miss a retreat starting the next day. The post was popular, and many said they’d had similar experiences.The standard euphemism for this facet of EA conferences is ‘intense’ or ‘tiring’, but I suspect these adjectives are often a more socially-acceptable way of saying ‘I feel low/anxious/exhausted and want to curl up in a foetal position in a darkened room’.I want to write this post to:balance out the ‘woo EAG lfg!’ hype, and help people who found it a bad or ambivalent experience to feel less alonedig into to why EAGs can be difficult: this might help attendees have better experiences themselves, and also create an environment where others are more likely to have good experienceshelp people who mostly enjoy EAGs understand what their more neurotic or introverted friends are going throughHere are some reasons that EAGs might be emotionally difficult. Some of these I’ve experienced personally, others are based on comments I’ve heard, and others are plausible educated guesses.It’s easy to compare oneself (negatively) to othersEA conferences are attended by a bunch of “impressive” people: big-name EAs like Will MacAskill and Toby Ord, entrepreneurs, organisation leaders, politicians, and “inner-circle-y” people who are Forum- or Twitter-famous. You’ve probably scheduled meetings with people because they’re impressive to you; perhaps you’re seeking mentorship and advice from people who are more senior or advanced in your field, or you want to talk to someone because they have cool ideas.This can naturally inflame impostor syndrome, feelings of inadequacy, and negative comparisons. Everyone seems smarter, harder-working, more agentic, better informed. Everyone’s got it all figured out, while you’re still stuck at Stage 2 of 80k’s career planning process. Everyone expects you to have a plan to save the world, and you don’t even have a plan for how to start making a plan.Most EAs, I think, know that these thought patterns are counterproductive. But even if some rational part of you knows this, it can still be hard to fight them - especially if you’re tired, scattered, or over-busy, since this makes it harder to employ therapeutic coping mechanisms.The stakes are highWe’re trying to solve immense, scary problems. We (and CEA) pour so much time and money into these conferences because we hope that they’ll help us make progress on those problems. This can make the conferences anxiety-inducing - you really really hope that the conference pays off. This is especially true if you have some specific goal - such as finding a job, collaborators or funders - or if you think the conference has a high opportunity cost for you.You spend a lot of time talking about depressing thingsThis is just part of being an EA, of course, but most of us don’t spend all our time directly confronting the magnitude of these problems. Having multiple back-to-back conversations about ‘how can we solve [massive, seemingly-intractable problem]?’ can be pretty discouraging.Everything is busy and franticYou’re constantly rushing from meeting to meeting, trying not to bump into others who are doing the same. You see acquaintances but only have time to wave hello, because y...