Invalidating Experience

"Stop crying", "there's nothing wrong with you," and "you shouldn't be upset about that" are all examples of things we can say that can invalidate another's experience. Invalidating experience is to question the foundation or reality of a person's feelings and perception.  This can happen more subtly and inadvertently than we might think - if we're overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed or otherwise distracted. Invalidation can lead to experiences of disconnection, confusion and challenges later in life ranging from an inability to be in touch with emotions and mature emotionally, to a disconnection from, and an inability to be in touch with, needs and desires.  We might need a dose of courage to look honestly at some of the small ways we may unconsciously invalidate our kids (and others), but it's only through a willingness to look that we can start to change things. 

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